And I think at one point or another in your journey, you may have even heard worse things. Is that true? Me too.
We are living with something that other's "can't see"... and "can't" or "don't" just understand. But just because someone doesn't understand...it doesn't change that when we hear things like this...it hurts.
Now it's easy to say let it go...don't listen to them...but it doesn't change things. It doesn't change the conversation.
I hope by sharing the following with those in your life you can start the conversation going...start the change in understanding...start the change in acceptance. We would never wish what we go through on anyone but we do need understanding...we need to open the lines of communication and we need to break down the barriers.
- I want to hear, as I’m held tight...I love you, please stay with me, through the horrible or the wonderful, let me help
- Sometimes when you're upset and looking for someone to talk to in a sense you don't really know what you're looking for aside from the comfort you know they give you, and sometimes they say exactly what we need to hear without even knowing it.
- To be held and hugged and told that it's going to be okay...that I won't have to face it alone...that even on my bad days I'm still loved, needed and wanted too...that it's okay not to be okay some days.
- What I'd like to hear? Can we start over? To which I would answer 'No. But we can start again.'
- Tell me, I mean truly tell me how you are feeling. I'm all ears.
- I want to hear you can overcome from this tomorrow.
- You’re not alone.
- I'd love to know that someone believes in me.
- Nothing… the look and the hug.
- Maybe you can't change your pain, but you can change your FOCUS.
- I wish someone would tell me that even though they don't understand what I'm going through that they believe me and will always be here for me.
- I just want to hear "tomorrow will be a good day".
- I need to be held close while I cry, told that I am loved just the way I am.
- I would like to hear "you are doing a great job".
- Stop playing on Facebook and go do your stretches" (ok, ok I'm getting up now!)
- People can say all they want but that doesn't mean it will make you feel better. I can't change what I feel and it's not something that will just go away. A Hug can be just the thing!
- I’d like to hear, "I’m proud of you for how you're handling your life with all the obstacles you face day to day!"
- Its okay to have pain and not show it in the outside. Like my back surgery you can't see it or my nerve damage in my legs, arms.
I hope this helps to open the lines of communication. Sit your loved ones down and say "can we talk?" Let them know what you NEED to hear and what you DON'T need to hear...be open and gentle when you do bring this up...and remember to use your "I" statements...
- "I need to hear this....I don't need to hear this...."
- "I feel understood, loved and accepted when I hear this...."
- "I feel torn apart and put down when I hear this..."
- "When I hear things like this...I feel empowered to keep going"
Unfortunately though...there may still be people you will come in contact with...that no matter what...will always be negative and just won't understand. Don't let those people get to you. I know it's easier said than done, but when they continue to live in the negative...leave them there...and move yourself forward anyway...knowing your own truth.
We can't change things unless and until we start truly talking to each other...listening to one another and truly hearing what is being said. Open the lines of communication with those in your life and them know what you need and be the one to give it back to them too okay? We all need a little help and understanding some days to get through this.
take good care of you and each other please...we need one another