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Chronic Pain & Life

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I took a break...

10/14/2015

1 Comment

 
The past two days the website has been quite....I took a break. The day after my birthday my daughter and I took off to the pond to get some nature time. Walking the pond with her and taking pictures was soothing to my soul. It was painful for my body but it was worth it to go with her. We got some incredible pictures and made new memories. 

Yesterday was some errands with Dad and after a terrible nights sleep (from all the walking of course and my rambling mind that kept me up too), I needed a nap when I came home. Slept a solid four hours (guess I needed it). I had a relaxing night for the most part and even managed to get some laundry and dishes done too.

I'm sharing this with you for a reason...sometimes we just need a break...sometimes we just need to do the things we need for us to feel good. Did I mention I had a bubble bath and some chocolate too? Well I did. I did the things I needed for me. And you know what? it's okay. It's okay to take a break. It's okay to indulge your needs...it's okay.

I went to bed feeling in a funk and woke up feeling like I'm in a funk still. I'm not sure if it's the pain from the pond and the walking...or the pain in my mind...my thoughts have been a little unkind lately and I'm entertaining them far longer than I should be. My birthday was hard for me this year and I've not handled it well. 
A friend asked me today...WTF is wrong with you? why are you acting like this? Well let me introduce myself...I'm Tammy and I live anxiety, depression and PTSD with a body that doesn't co-operate and hurts all the time...and I've been triggered. My past lives with my present some days and I'm torn between two lives...fighting my mind. I'm human and sometimes...I can get lost in my head and my thoughts go around like a merry-go-round... but I'm trying to get off now. 

Are you human too? If you have ever felt this way...what do you do for you while you're in the fog? What do you need from those around you? How do you tell them or do you? Are you scared of what they will think? Do you think they will think less of you? Yeah I know the feeling...I do too. I think this is what keeps us quiet some days. 

When your past is living with your future...be careful which one you're spending the most time in okay? Our past is not our present.

Take good care of you eh? 
​Tammy
1 Comment
Debbie Hope Druley
10/14/2015 12:35:58 pm

I can relate. I've been in almost constant pain for over seven years. I was abused as a child, and I watched as my six siblings were abused and neglected by whomever our parents were at the time. Being the eldest, I took on adult responsibilities at age six. I tried to bring peace, hope, and joy into our home, but our parents were, I think, crazy as hell. At age 12, I took on adult responsibilities. I often took the cigarettes out of my parents' hands when they were falling asleep in a drunken stupor. I would check the windows and lock the doors before I went to sleep. Then I would check on the kids. So, to the point, I suffer from fibromyalgia, depression, PTSD, guilt, and anxiety so bad now that I actually lash put at people. I don't mean to, but the pain is wearing on me. I almost always wake up in a terrible mood. This makes me sad because I used to jump out of bed and was really productive. Working on it. Great blog here. Thanks for reading this.

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    Tammy...

    is living life with chronic pain...doing the best I can with everyday. 

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