I've been sleeping a lot and I've been trying to keep busy doing the things I need for me. One thing I like about the cooler temps are my bubbles baths again....I've had a few of those to help me along. Because of the paralysis, I didn't get my needles for over a month and my body was in revolt with pain. I finally got them on Friday, and I'm hoping it'll help me along. Little steps right? yeah
Over the last month, I've been on three weeks worth of steroids and two weeks of 4-6 pills a day pain pills (which played havoc with my mind and body), I've been on drops and ointments for my eyes and ear and I've had sores on my eye because I had to tape it shut while I slept. I went a week without having a bowel movement (no matter what I tried, it didn't work) and my body was toxic. Every day is a headache, blurred and doubled vision, popping ears and muscles spasms in my face and eyes...I cracked a bit.
I'll admit there was even a time during the last month when I gave thought to the damn "what if" game again...what if the paralysis stayed? what would I do? how would I handle it? could I handle it? I'll admit I cried. I felt sorry for myself and I said no...I wasn't strong enough. These feelings have lasted longer than I'd like...but I'm trying to change that. I'm trying to move forward no matter how I heal...whether it's a complete recovery...or not...I'm trying.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself...I'm trying to think...hey! You made it through yet another thing that tried to break you...you've done this before and you can and will do this again! Do the things you need to help you feel good and don't worry about anything else right now. YOU need YOU is what I'm telling myself. Instead of thinking...what if the paralysis stays...I'm trying to focus on the thought...you're slowly getting better...it just takes time...and this will take time...be patient with yourself and don't rush it. You will heal when your body is ready and not a minute sooner. Wait, take care of yourself, and be gentle with you. I'm trying.
I'm trying to get back to things and I'm thankful for all the support I've been given. My family has been incredibly wonderful and supportive, my daughter even cleaned the house for me. I've had neighbours check in on me daily and bring me dinner so they knew I'd eat something. I've had friends text and call and every bit of it has helped me heal. The Facebook page today was emotional for me reading all the comments and messages left and it helped me know...I don't have to hide. Thank you for that!
I am healing and even though it may be slower than I'd like...I've got to keep going and that means getting back into what makes me ME.
thank you for being here and sticking with me and I hope you're taking good care of you and your needs too...bye for now