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Me X 3...The three of Me...

6/23/2015

1 Comment

 
It's an odd title for an entry isn't it? Me X 3...The three of Me...hmm...I've often joked around that I hear voices and that they have some really good ideas and others that get me into trouble...and it's true...I do hear voices and there are three of me...but not in the way you think.

The three of me is something that took me some time to realize and knowing which of the three Me's were talking? well that took some time too...and it's still something I struggle with some days. The three of me are just like the three of you.

The first Me...is the Me I was before my injury...before my pain...the old Me
The second Me...is the Me I am now today...the current and hurting Me
The third Me...well...she's the Me I want to be and am working towards...the becoming Me

And each have their own thoughts and voices that go off in my head and in an almost constant conversation. Some days it drives me nuts!...truly!...but then there are other days when being able to have a conversation with all three of Me...gets things worked out. (I will admit though there are days too when it's a struggle to get them to get along and work together)
So...the three of Me...Me X 3...

When thoughts like..."I wish I didn't live with pain anymore and I was the old me again" roll through my head...the three voices go off in tandem.
 
The first Me says "yeah!! I want my old life back"
The second Me says "I'm tired of always feeling pain...I don't think I can handle this"
The third Me says "you are strong enough to handle this...you've come along way and you will go further still...YOU CAN DO THIS"

Another conversation that plays between the three of them is the old "I'm not good enough" train wreck...and it is a train wreck just waiting to crash and burn me. Now this conversation can be triggered by many things and there are a plethora of topics to be covered here...but it usually goes something like this...

The first Me says "why do I keep trying...it's never going happen...I'm a failure...they were right...if only I could...."
The second Me says "yeah they may have been and yes you have made some mistakes but you've done a lot of good too and you've come a long way...you're not who you were and you can and should be proud of that"
The third Me says "you are a beautiful person who is growing and changing...learn to forgive yourself and love yourself...don't live in the past but keep going towards your future...you are and always have been enough...believe that!

I tell ya! make no wonder I don't get much sleep when the three of them start talking...it's a conversation that just has to play itself out sometimes. But the worst part of having the three Me's? well...they don't always get along.

The first Me and the third Me don't like each other...the first Me tries to keep me in my past while the third Me works to get me surviving my days and moving me towards my future. And sometimes the first and second Me's gang up on the third Me and I can get lost in my mind for a bit. The second and third Me's get along the best I think...they work together to get me through my days...when the second Me needs a little encouragement the third Me has a little chat...reminding of how far we've come and all that we're working towards. Now the first Me can be a bit of a bully to the other two...it's the one that wants to play the "what if" and the "if only" games...it's the one that often tries to keep me from appreciating my present by wanting the past...unable to move forward...angry and depressed...and when they fight? it's not pretty.

Some days...it depends on my emotions and my pain, which voice wins out...but they each take their turn. Being able to recognize which of the three Me's was talking...helped me to learn to acknowledge my thoughts and feelings and it helped me to get present in my today and out of my past. It helped to remind me of the all the changes I've made in my life so my pain has less control...and all the goals I have achieved and the ones I'm working towards too.

Me X 3...the three of Me...are all the ways in which I am...my past...my present and my future...and each has a voice in how I live my days...we're changing...but together...we will survive this.

take good care of you and your three Me's
1 Comment
Renee
6/24/2015 02:23:51 am

This entry is awesome! Makes me realize that I listen to Me1 and Me2 way too much and I need to get to know Me3 a lot better. This really does fall in with the other conversation we had - thank you for putting this into words :-) You 3 rock!

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    Tammy...

    is living life with chronic pain...doing the best I can with everyday. 

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