Lately I've been feeling off, out of sorts, not very comfortable, and I've been struggling with my own thoughts and emotions. When I read this, it gave me something to think about, and it helped me to make sense of some things too.
I think this feeling isn't just for the grief of a loved one past. I think this feeling can come when we experience a set back in our journey, when we receive a new diagnosis, and even when we're confronted with our "old" lives.
And it can hit you out of the blue, and it can knock you back a bit. It can put you on your butt and it can make you question whether you're strong enough, and whether you even want to keep on going. And it hits HARD.
Last week I got the results of my xrays and learned that I'm now dealing with osteoarthritis of my spine (in two places) and bone spurring (in multiple places). Hearing that, it sent back to the day I was hurt, to the day this all started for me...and all I felt was the grief.
I think this feeling isn't just for the grief of a loved one past. I think this feeling can come when we experience a set back in our journey, when we receive a new diagnosis, and even when we're confronted with our "old" lives.
And it can hit you out of the blue, and it can knock you back a bit. It can put you on your butt and it can make you question whether you're strong enough, and whether you even want to keep on going. And it hits HARD.
Last week I got the results of my xrays and learned that I'm now dealing with osteoarthritis of my spine (in two places) and bone spurring (in multiple places). Hearing that, it sent back to the day I was hurt, to the day this all started for me...and all I felt was the grief.
The feelings of helplessness were fresh, and the anger, bargaining and the fear were there too. It was like the first time all over again. I wondered if I had the strength to do it. How would I learn to live with this too on top of everything else. I doubted I could do it. I was scared. And I felt like I lost myself all over again. My emotions crashed. Hard.
Starting the grief process over again is something I think we face on an almost daily basis. How else do we get up every morning facing a life with pain?
The line...."Sometimes, something acts as a trigger and catches you by surprise" is so very true for this. And the journey starts anew. Grief is an ongoing process and we will bounce between the stages as we go through life until we finally reach the acceptance of what is. Time...when dealing with the feelings grief can bring...is a very fickle thing indeed. (take all the time you need okay?)
I have to keep reminding myself that although I cannot change what has happened, I can change how I respond to it, and how I let it impact my thoughts, my life, ME. I am not my illness but I am what I do about it. I have to remind myself that I am strong enough (even on the days when I really don't feel like it). I have to remind myself that even my hurting life...is still a life worth living. I have to. I have to do what I need for me to help see me through this...and I have to do it without hurting myself.
When the aftershocks hit you...how do you handle it? what words do you say to yourself? what thoughts do think about? how do you support and care for yourself as you bounce through this? I hope you'll give it some thought.
I've done the crying, I've done the bargaining and I've gotten angry about it too...but now? it's time for the healing. It's time for me to focus on my needs, it's time for me to do what I can to soothe, nurture and care for myself...mind, body and soul. That's where my control is and you know what? that's where yours is too.
The grief is real, so don't deny it, but keep working through it okay? You are strong enough to pick yourself back up again. And when you don't you think you have it in you? reach out to a close friend and let them hug you. Let them give you the courage and support you need. Turn to those who know you best and can help you see the good again. You are more than your pain/illness. It takes time.
Please take good care of you and each other
Tammy
meme found on-line - original source unknown
Starting the grief process over again is something I think we face on an almost daily basis. How else do we get up every morning facing a life with pain?
The line...."Sometimes, something acts as a trigger and catches you by surprise" is so very true for this. And the journey starts anew. Grief is an ongoing process and we will bounce between the stages as we go through life until we finally reach the acceptance of what is. Time...when dealing with the feelings grief can bring...is a very fickle thing indeed. (take all the time you need okay?)
I have to keep reminding myself that although I cannot change what has happened, I can change how I respond to it, and how I let it impact my thoughts, my life, ME. I am not my illness but I am what I do about it. I have to remind myself that I am strong enough (even on the days when I really don't feel like it). I have to remind myself that even my hurting life...is still a life worth living. I have to. I have to do what I need for me to help see me through this...and I have to do it without hurting myself.
When the aftershocks hit you...how do you handle it? what words do you say to yourself? what thoughts do think about? how do you support and care for yourself as you bounce through this? I hope you'll give it some thought.
I've done the crying, I've done the bargaining and I've gotten angry about it too...but now? it's time for the healing. It's time for me to focus on my needs, it's time for me to do what I can to soothe, nurture and care for myself...mind, body and soul. That's where my control is and you know what? that's where yours is too.
The grief is real, so don't deny it, but keep working through it okay? You are strong enough to pick yourself back up again. And when you don't you think you have it in you? reach out to a close friend and let them hug you. Let them give you the courage and support you need. Turn to those who know you best and can help you see the good again. You are more than your pain/illness. It takes time.
Please take good care of you and each other
Tammy
meme found on-line - original source unknown
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