Do you have people in your life that are the "loving toxic" too? Like the quote says...they love us dearly but they're still toxic. It can be easy to remove ourselves from the "uncaring toxic"...but not so easy when the person involved is a loved one. Have you noticed this too? How do you handle it?
Some might tell you that you have to leave these people...again not easy to do when this person is a family member is it? No, it's not. So if we can't leave the family...how do we handle this?
here are just a few suggestions to give thought to...
- go to their house instead of having them come to you...this way you can leave when you are ready and don't have to worry about anyone over-staying their welcome
- keep your visits short...you don't have to be on a clock-watch but have an idea of how long you can comfortably stay before your anxiety or feelings of discomfort become too much for you to safely handle
- when asked how you are doing respond positively...remove the ammunition...the "loving toxic" like to "fix" things and tell us what we're doing wrong and offer their advice...if you don't give them something to "fix" they can't "fix" it right?
- refocus the conversation...when all the questions are turned to you and how you're managing...ask how everyone else is doing?...how are their kids?...what's new in their corner of the world?
- when given unsolicited advice smile :) and let them know that you've heard what they had to say and you will give it consideration...whether you choose to follow any of it is another matter entirely and that is your choice to make...it's your life after all and not theirs to live...you will be the one living with the consequences of your life choices so make sure what you choose to do is what YOU want and not what you think will please others in your life
- calmly and with love let the people in your life know that you appreciate their help and advice but that YOU will make the choices you need for you...that you need to know that they will support you no matter what you choose...even if it's not what they advise for you
- smile :) and know these people in your life love you and they do only want what is best for you and this is how they show it...accept them and realize this is just how they are wired...doesn't mean you have to like this part of them...but it still lets you love all their other parts that you do really like
- when you come home and are feeling emotionally exhausted and worn out...SOOTHE YOURSELF! don't go on a rant about how much of a pain in the ass your family or friends are...that will only keep these feelings going longer...accept they are who they are and that it's not about you...it's them...so soothe yourself...focus on your needs...calm yourself and breathe...you're home now
The "loving toxic" are our parents, our siblings, children, grandchildren, cousins, aunt and uncles too...even our friends whom we love like family...can be lovingly toxic to us too...but we don't always have to remove them from our lives and it's not always possible to do so either.
So the choice is yours...but please don't give up on things that make you happy in your life...it's your life and you deserve to be happy with what's going on in it.
take good care of you eh?