Then there are the days when things aren't so merry or okay or "normal"...if normal is even a word to use with us I know...the days when we're swirling in chaos.
Do you become something wicked too?
Does everyone else around experience your down days?
Does your chaos spill out?
If you're saying "yes", apologize to yourself and to those around you. It's not their fault. I'm not saying it's yours either...your pain got in the way...it happens...but you need to apologize.
There will be days when our pain takes our voice and we may not always behave in the best way with those around us. When this happens it is our responsibility to protect those we love from it...even ourselves.
So...how can you protect those you love when you become chaos?
- open the lines of communication...let those around you know how you're feeling..."I'm struggling today, please don't expect much from me"...express your feelings clearly without placing blame..."I have little patience today"...they're your feelings and you're struggling with them right now...own that!
- ask for what you need from others nicely!...your loved ones do want to help you but they need to know what to do...so tell them! but do it nicely! our words when feeling our pain can be sharp to others who hear it...keep that in mind okay?
- apologize for any misbehaviour on your part...own your actions...own your words...own your pain and the impact your behaviour has caused to another
- then forgive yourself!...this step is important...you're human and you will make mistakes...but if this is repetitive...are you changing what you need to change so that this happens less? Give it some thought okay?
- when feeling the chaos building inside you...calm yourself...calm your emotions...calm your thoughts and breathe! and breathe again and again and again...calm deep breaths...easier said than done some days I know...but...calm yourself
- focus on the things that are good in your life...negative thoughts bread negative actions...focus on the good till this feeling has passed...and it will pass...
- talk to yourself encouragingly...with love, care and compassion...you need it! words hurt and leave bruises we cannot see...even the words we say to ourselves...talk nicely with you okay? and to those around you....watch your words and how you use them
- turn to your coping skills...if one isn't working...try another...and then another still if you need...you need to cope the best you can with what you have...so make sure you have things in your life that soothe you quickly and even some that are portable to bring with you when you're out and about and get triggered
- know your triggers and share them with those in your life...have a plan for how you will manage a trigger when you experience it...the more you can plan for your pain and its needs...the less impact your pain will have on and in your life...plan for your emotional and mental pain too...what soothes your hurt?
- and if you simply cannot control yourself at that given moment?...remove yourself...simply say that you are beyond your limits and you need a break...come back later when you're in a better frame of mind and try again....BUT YOU MUST COME BACK...avoiding things will not make them go away and you cannot fix what you do not acknowledge or talk about...and if someone else is involved...they deserve the apology
When feeling all that our pain can bring, it is up to us to protect those we share our lives with. It's not their fault we're hurting. They hurt too when we hurt. They feel helpless, scared...just like we do. They wish things were different too. It's not their fault and it's not yours either. But it is our responsibility not to hurt those we love when our bodies are hurting us.
Please...take good care of you...and your loved ones