Did you remember that humour warning? okay good :) 

Lately I've been feeling off, out of sorts, not very comfortable, and I've been struggling with my own thoughts and emotions. When I read this, it gave me something to think about, and it helped me to make sense of some things too. 

I think this feeling isn't just for the grief of a loved one past. I think this feeling can come when we experience a set back in our journey, when we receive a new diagnosis, and even when we're confronted with our "old" lives. 

And it can hit you out of the blue, and it can knock you back a bit. It can put you on your butt and it can make you question whether you're strong enough, and whether you even want to keep on going. And it hits HARD. 

Last week I got the results of my xrays and learned that I'm now dealing with osteoarthritis of my spine (in two places) and bone spurring (in multiple places). Hearing that, it sent back to the day I was hurt, to the day this all started for                                                                                          me...and all I felt was the  grief.

Happy Hump Day to you! 

**emotional topic warning - read with consideration and caution**

Last week I got a phone call from a friend asking me if I would go with her to the hospital. As I quickly got ready to go and met her outside, she told me a friend of her family had overdosed on his medication. The doctors didn't think he'd make it through the night and she wanted to say her goodbyes. 

Hearing that, I was stopped in my tracks, slapped upside my head, and I didn't hear a word she said after that. She had to come back to me and ask if I was okay. Too many thoughts went through my mind. 

The reason it hit me hard (I didn't know him personally) is because I've often thought about it. I'll admit there was a time when I would wake up mad that I woke up at all. I didn't want to be here. I didn't care to be here and I was so tired of always hurting. I would often ask a friend to take me out in his field and put me down like a horse...put me out of my misery. He's always refused me though saying he'd miss me too much. My desire not to be here has wavered over the years. There are times I'm glad I'm still here and there are other times I'd be perfectly okay if I wasn't. 

If something is important enough, even if the odds are against you, you should still do it.

~~Unknown~~







picture found on-line and I can't remember where...sorry

I lose more guardian angels that way.








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Do you live with anxiety? If so...what is your breathing like? Have you ever caught yourself holding your breath? What about hyperventilating? Do you ever feel lightheaded? Dizzy? Confused? You're not alone. It's not always easy to remember to breathe when the feelings of anxiety come. 

Yesterday, while at the hospital, I came across some information that I'd like to share with you here today. This information comes from the Centre for Clinical Interventions and is retyped exactly as they've prepared (without pictures). If you have any questions about what you read here, please speak to your doctor and/or treatment team. 

Anxiety and all the feelings that come with it, are very uncomfortable and sometimes we forget to breathe or we tend overbreathe. I hope that by practicing this exercise, you can change that for yourself moving forward. 

When you distance yourself from negativity, beautiful things can happen. 

~~Unknown~~







Picture shared by a friend of the Facebook page

The title of this meme gets my goat a little bit. If I were to be honest? I said something mean and nasty when I read the name of the blog....brainlessblogger. (the name is fitting!)

What bothered me? Well, the title....Signs the pain is getting the best of you. 

Seriously? if those are the signs that my pain is getting the best of me...might as well bury me now. 

Sometimes? these signs are the sad truth of a hurting life...and NOT that our pain has gotten the best of us. 

Sometimes we have to hibernate because the cold just hurts too much. Not that we don't want to be outside...it just HURTS! more than we're able to deal with so we make the choice to stay inside where it's warm.

Social interactions are all via social media on-line? Sometimes that's the only place we can find support and understanding without all the judgment. It helps to be in contact with people living a hurting life just like I am. They "get" me.

​Tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in is the truth of a hurting body. It's not easy nor comfortable for us to find sleep when we hurt and often we can't sleep through the night. Yes it's frustrating for our partners....BUT....it's frustrating for us too. If you didn't already know...sleep and pain are NOT friends.