While we were out and about, she complained a lot! about her pain...she has compartment syndrome and it's like her legs are being ripped apart with every step she takes...it's incredibly painful for her. While out...my friend needed many breaks to sit and to rest her legs.
On our way home...she asked me...how can you not be hurting? I laughed at her and told her she was delusional if she thought I wasn't. "I'm hurting too" I assured her...but she just looked at me.
But you're not complaining she said...no I'm not.
And you hurt right now?...yes I do...my back is screaming at me and my hips are in spasms
But you're not complaining...I'm feeling like I'm being ripped apart and I can't take this...and you're not complaining...no...I'm not
She didn't get it.
But you see...
When I focus on my pain...I feel more of it. The more I attend to my pain, the more I complain about it, the more I feel miserable about it...the more pain I feel. Simply put...I had to learn how to ignore my pain and to learn to focus on other more positive things that made me feel good instead.
Just like focusing on my pain made me feel more of it...it also worked in the opposite for me. The more I focused on all the things that make me feel good...the better I felt...more positive, more capable, stronger. It didn't change my pain or that I feel it...but I didn't live there anymore.
It wasn't always that way for me though. There were days when every conversation I had involved my pain...everyone around me knew I was hurting. I was vocal about it, I was angry about it, and it was the forefront of everything I did in my life. And honestly? people avoided me because of it. I had made my pain my everything. It was my life...it was my all.
But now? NO!! it's on the back burner. Rarely do I have conversations about my pain (unless I'm talking with someone who's living it too). I'm not angry anymore either...it's just something I have to deal with now. And when I go out? it's the memories I'm making that have my attention.
Now I'm not saying there aren't times when my pain interrupts my plans...because it does! but I'm not negative about it anymore. I take the time I need when I need it, I use the skills that help me through it, I talk to myself differently now too and I have people in my life who support me and understand. And when I'm hurting more for doing what I love? well...I remind myself of all the things I've done...I've "earned" this pain and it's okay...living my life for me is worth it!
I can't change that I hurt...so why complain? I'd much rather tell you about how I'm moving forward.
take good care of you eh?