I'm afraid that if I tell you....

There is a lot on my mind but I'm afraid that if I tell you...you'll think I'm weak...I'm not...but I am struggling with my thoughts and I need to talk about them to work them out. But I worry about you learning of my demons. They've kept me company for a long time now and we're rather close. But they're not who I am...not really. 

There is a lot on my mind but I'm afraid that if I tell you...you'll look at me differently. That you will only see my cracks and not how hard I'm trying. I can't hide my cracks...they are a part of me. They are my scars, my fears and my insecurities too...I have cracks. And I fear that if you see them all...you won't look at me the same...that you'll think me unlovable. 

There is a lot on my mind but I'm afraid that if I tell you...you will walk away like others have. So I stay quiet. I endure. I cry and I question why. Why am I too hard to love? Why can't others understand? What's wrong with me? 

There are many reasons why I stay I quiet and I wish someone would just hug me and let me know I'm not alone. That someone thinks I'm worth fighting for...worth sticking around for. That I am needed, wanted and loved. I need to know. But I'm afraid that if I tell you...

(A journey into me)
​Tammy