I'm kinda speechless.
As many of you know, I had surgery in December past to remove a mass from my parotid gland. Over the past few months, although I have continued to heal, I have also continued to experience the dizziness and headaches, the ringing and pulsating in my ears, the "electrical" nerve impulses as things heal and even more. What was put off as "normal healing", was recently found out to be something a little more and I need more surgery.
There is yet another mass, this one located just millimeters from my brain. It's rather large and it's coming out this September. And yet another was found on the other side but this one is much smaller and the specialist is going to leave this one for now and concentrate on the larger mass. There are complications with this surgery, but he is confident he can remove it. Due to it's size however, it's going to be an "interesting removal".
With this going on and my "normal" body stuff too, I've not been sleeping well this week. I had a wicked nightmare waking up Wednesday in tears. It's been a long time since I've woken myself up crying. The dream that caught me...I was in a hospital hallway talking with a doctor and I was getting bad news. With all that I have going on...I thought the dream was about me. All day Wednesday I felt off. I had a feeling of foreboding...something wicked this way was about to come.
Thursday morning came round, and once again I didn't sleep well. That feeling was still with me...only that day it was stronger. My Dad called Thursday morning to let me know my Mom is in the hospital and "they're running tests". She went in Wednesday evening and even as I write this she's still there. (Guess that dream wasn't about me huh? but it's still shaking me all the same). I know my Mom is well taken care of, but she's my Mom and she's the only one I got.
I'm sorry, but me and my brain just aren't here lately. I'm feeling scared and worried but I'm trying to practice what I preach...and I'm trying to do what I need for me to keep me on top of this so I don't lose me again. I hope you can understand.
Please take good care of you