Have you ever played the why game with a child? How often have you walked away feeling exhausted, shaking your head thinking..."that kid asks a lot of questions"?
The why game in childhood helps our children to understand what is going on around them. It helps them to connect the dots and put the pieces of their thoughts together. It is in many ways like putting a puzzle together...each question "why" fills in a piece of the puzzle until the "bigger picture" is seen.
Understanding our own behaviour is like the why game. When you are trying to understand why you do what you do, ask yourself why. When you respond, ask yourself why again, and again, and again, just like a child playing the why game.
Keep asking yourself why until you fully understand why you do what you do. It's like peeling back the layers of an onion if you can picture that. Each question "why" peels back a layer of understanding eventually leading to the core reason of why you do what you do.
The why game in childhood helps our children to understand what is going on around them. It helps them to connect the dots and put the pieces of their thoughts together. It is in many ways like putting a puzzle together...each question "why" fills in a piece of the puzzle until the "bigger picture" is seen.
Understanding our own behaviour is like the why game. When you are trying to understand why you do what you do, ask yourself why. When you respond, ask yourself why again, and again, and again, just like a child playing the why game.
Keep asking yourself why until you fully understand why you do what you do. It's like peeling back the layers of an onion if you can picture that. Each question "why" peels back a layer of understanding eventually leading to the core reason of why you do what you do.
When I was ready to deal with my behaviours the why game came in handy. As I have already dissected my behaviours I'll use one of mine as an example.
One of my pain behaviours was to avoid people in my life. "If you were a part of my old life I wanted nothing to do with you."
Why?...because you reminded me of my old life
Why?...because I will never do that job again
Why?...because it makes me sad, angry and it hurts to feel this way
Why?...because I resent that you can do what I can't
Why?...because I can't handle hearing about the kids or the changes at work
When I was answering the question "why" I also asked myself "is it their fault you can't do that job anymore? Is that worth losing friends for?" The answer was no. It wasn't their fault and it wasn't my fault either. It was an accident.
Now I will admit by the time I realized this and got over being angry and resentful, I had lost a lot of friends. But when all was said and done, I think the friends that were still here were the real friends of my life. The ones who stood by me even through my darkest days. That's friendship!
Understanding why you do what you do isn't easy I know. It can be difficult to dissect ourselves and get to the root of our problems but I do think it's possible. Playing the "why" game with ourselves is a gentle way to keep peeling back the layers of why.
take good care of you
One of my pain behaviours was to avoid people in my life. "If you were a part of my old life I wanted nothing to do with you."
Why?...because you reminded me of my old life
Why?...because I will never do that job again
Why?...because it makes me sad, angry and it hurts to feel this way
Why?...because I resent that you can do what I can't
Why?...because I can't handle hearing about the kids or the changes at work
When I was answering the question "why" I also asked myself "is it their fault you can't do that job anymore? Is that worth losing friends for?" The answer was no. It wasn't their fault and it wasn't my fault either. It was an accident.
Now I will admit by the time I realized this and got over being angry and resentful, I had lost a lot of friends. But when all was said and done, I think the friends that were still here were the real friends of my life. The ones who stood by me even through my darkest days. That's friendship!
Understanding why you do what you do isn't easy I know. It can be difficult to dissect ourselves and get to the root of our problems but I do think it's possible. Playing the "why" game with ourselves is a gentle way to keep peeling back the layers of why.
take good care of you
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