One where you're functioning through life, doing what you have to do because you have to do it..but there is always an underlying level of sadness...one that threatens to overwhelm...a depression that just wears you down...wears you out and rubs you raw.
And then there is the second kind...when you can't cope, you're wanting to give up and give in and that thought brings a level of peace that is almost scary. It's seductive too at times...it promises to take the pain away. You feel lost in your own world and can't imagine seeing another morning come.
I think sometimes too, that we can bounce in between the two from day to day...from episode to episode. It think too this is why depression is so hard to understand at times and hard to talk about. But one thing I have learned through it all is that depression is episodic..meaning it will end!! eventually...though maybe not as soon as you would like...but it will end.
Until it does...please do everything you need to do to soothe yourself. Don't feel guilty about doing it either. Keep doing what you need to do to keep your life functioning so you still have a job to go back to when the episode ends...still eat food so you're healthy enough to see yourself through this...pay your bills and keep your life moving forward...this episode will end and you will need your life when it does...so....
take good care of you!