Fear...Friends and Memories....

Last Thursday a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go camping for a night this weekend and before I even had a chance to respond he went into how I wouldn't be sleeping in a tent or even on the ground but on a futon mattress in the back of the truck. He explained everything that was being brought to keep me comfortable and all I needed to do was pack a pillow and some warm clothes. I was encouraged and supported that if there was anything I needed to help me be comfortable all I had to do was say so. 

My first thought? well...it was a screaming in my head hell no I ain't go camping...are you nuts? I quickly went through my current list of aches and gave thought to what it would feel like by the time I got home and I was scared. I knew that no matter what my friends may do to help me...I was gonna hurt more for going. And I had to decide was it worth it or not....could I face my fear of my pain and could I go join my friends doing something I did all the time as a kid. Could I do it?

I'll be honest...it took some convincing and prodding and encouragement too...I had a check list in my head that said it just wasn't possible! but they weren't taking no for answer and I had to find a way to deal with my fear so I could spend time with my friends making new memories. I used to go camping all the time when I was a kid and I loved it...but it was something new to experience with my pain...and I faltered...I didn't know if I could do it or not and my first response was to say I can't go.

I admit it! I said no...I gave all the reasons why...the biggest one was that I didn't want my pain to impact them and ruin their night. I was scared. I didn't think I could manage it...I thought my pain would be too much and I thought that no matter what was brought it wouldn't help. 

My friend matched every no with a solution and I felt a little angry to a point at first too. I felt like he wasn't listening to me. But you know what? I was the one who wasn't listening. He was giving me solutions that I knew would help me...yet I couldn't let go of the fear to accept them. My fear over rode my logic and I didn't think I could do it.

Yeah I know I'm always saying to live beyond your pain and to do what makes you smile and feel good to be you and you know what? that's not just for you...it's advice for me too...because sometimes...I also need to be reminded to get out of my own head into my life. 

So with the help of good friends...I'm proud to say..I went camping for a night and I'm glad I did. Yes I'm hurting...but I went! With the help of my friends...I faced a fear of the unknown and I lived beyond my pain and I made some new memories and I remembered too how much I enjoyed camping. The fire at night and seeing the stars in the sky...and the peacefulness too...was a good thing to remember and to feel again.  It's been over 30 years and it felt good.

You know something? There are people in our lives who just won't get it no matter what you do and then there are others that go out of their way to keep you included...to help and to support you. When you're lucky enough to find those people in your life...don't lose them...they're a life blessing. 

I was reminded again this weekend that I can't stop living because of my pain or the fear of feeling it...and you know something else? neither should you...you're going to feel it anyway right? why not hurt for living for you instead? Build your memories and keep living your life.

take good care of you okay?