Lately I've been feeling off, out of sorts, not very comfortable, and I've been struggling with my own thoughts and emotions. When I read this, it gave me something to think about, and it helped me to make sense of some things too. 

I think this feeling isn't just for the grief of a loved one past. I think this feeling can come when we experience a set back in our journey, when we receive a new diagnosis, and even when we're confronted with our "old" lives. 

And it can hit you out of the blue, and it can knock you back a bit. It can put you on your butt and it can make you question whether you're strong enough, and whether you even want to keep on going. And it hits HARD. 

Last week I got the results of my xrays and learned that I'm now dealing with osteoarthritis of my spine (in two places) and bone spurring (in multiple places). Hearing that, it sent back to the day I was hurt, to the day this all started for  me...and all I felt was the  grief.

The title of this meme gets my goat a little bit. If I were to be honest? I said something mean and nasty when I read the name of the blog....brainlessblogger. (the name is fitting!)

What bothered me? Well, the title....Signs the pain is getting the best of you. 

Seriously? if those are the signs that my pain is getting the best of me...might as well bury me now. 

Sometimes? these signs are the sad truth of a hurting life...and NOT that our pain has gotten the best of us. 

Sometimes we have to hibernate because the cold just hurts too much. Not that we don't want to be outside...it just HURTS! more than we're able to deal with so we make the choice to stay inside where it's warm.

Social interactions are all via social media on-line? Sometimes that's the only place we can find support and understanding without all the judgment. It helps to be in contact with people living a hurting life just like I am. They "get" me.

​Tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in is the truth of a hurting body. It's not easy nor comfortable for us to find sleep when we hurt and often we can't sleep through the night. Yes it's frustrating for our partners....BUT....it's frustrating for us too. If you didn't already know...sleep and pain are NOT friends.

When I first read this piece I had mixed feelings about it. Yes! I am trying, and I know you are too. We're pushing ourselves through things that would make others crumble. We push ourselves through things that many don't understand or can even see. We push ourselves. Hard. Sometimes our expectations are unrealistic.

But you know what? Sometimes pushing ourselves is just another way for us to ignore ourselves and our needs.

You know it's true. When you push yourself through the pain instead of resting. When you push yourself through the fog trying to feel "normal". When you push yourself through the judgement instead of acknowledging how you truly feel. When you push yourself...are you ignoring yourself? your needs? 

Some think that the only way to get through life is to push yourself. I disagree. Sometimes what we need the most is to rest, to do the things that make us feel good, the things that make us smile, that lets us laugh and enjoy our lives...that's how we can through this thing called life. 

We need to encourage, nurture, love, accept, support, care for and forgive ourselves. We need to do what we can as we're able and we need to stop too when our bodies and minds need a break. We're only human. 

Don't push yourself beyond your breaking point. Just do the best you can each and every day and know that it's enough. 

take good care of you please and your needs too
​Tammy 

Living a life with chronic pain/illness can make us feel like we're alone and that no one understands. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever shared your feelings and heard the words "me too"? yeah...those two words can feel like a hug some days. 

The more I thought about it, even more words came to mind...

I'm here
I'll help
I'm listening
I believe
I understand
There's hope
Stay strong
You're brave

Words have power! The words we hear from others...the words we say to ourselves...words are powerful and they can impact how we think and feel about our pain, our lives, and even ourselves.

If you're going to talk to yourself...please...use the words that feel like a hug instead? And if you're talking to someone else?  I hope you'll hug them with your words. 

take good care of you please 

Truth is? You will hit rock bottom in life and you will feel like your world is collapsing beneath your feet. And you may find yourself here a few times in your life, no matter how strong you are. That's the thing about life. 

Truth is? you may stay down for awhile...probably longer than you want to. You may cry, wonder why or, yell and scream at the world. You may even hide while you lick your wounds. Truth is? that's okay! Take the time you need.

Truth is? the only person who can get you back on the surface again is you! You've done it before and you can do it again. I know it's hard and I know you're tired but don't forget...you're stronger than anything or anyone that tries to break you. It can be easy to doubt ourselves sometimes...but rock bottom can                                                                                                    become the solid foundation upon which we rebuild.

Life will knock us down...that's inevitable...but when it does? I hope you will pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and go at the world again. 

take good care of you please
​Tammy

That's IT! I'm DONE! I QUIT! yes you read that right....I QUIT! and I hope when you read this....you'll quit too. 

There's a saying...."winners never quit and quitters never win"....and I say....that's wrong!  because when we quit...we can win this one. Yes! we can win even when we quit. 

So what am I quitting? well...

I QUIT.....

being hard on myself when I can't do all the chores I used to be able to do and how I used to be able to do them - now I take breaks when I need and if the laundry has to sit in the basket for a few days (or even the dryer) that's okay! I'll get to it when I get to it (same goes for the dishes too)

telling myself that I am burden to my family when I need help - we all need help some days and there are days too when we're the ones giving the help - life is about give and take and it's about helping each other through, supporting and caring for one another - needing help does not make us weak...it makes us human

allowing the thoughts and opinions of others to impact how I feel about myself - if you don't like me? that's okay! because I love and accept me and that's what matters   - if you don't understand and/or believe I'm hurting? that's okay! I have nothing to prove to anyone - my life is mine and I live it for me doing the best I can each and every day...period!

I don't know about you, but I don't know anyone living with a chronic illness and still has a "fat" bank account. 

To live with a chronic illness and have money is a lot easier than without it. With money, you don't have to balance your medical needs with your rent, or even your groceries. You can afford both without having to choose between them. Simple fact is, many of us are living on a disability pension or some other form of social assistance, and we're struggling to meet our needs and to make ends meet. And then there are people who are busting their bodies to go to work because they have bills to pay and they simply can't afford not to work even though they would like to.

It makes me wonder how it's not about the money sometimes when you can't buy basic necessities or get the treatment you need because you don't have the money.

 Let's face it...being "sick" costs money and often we just don't have it. 

It's easy to say..."just let it go"...but the problem often is...how do we that? I came across this and thought it something to share to start you thinking.

Now that the new year is here...are you wondering how to let things from the past year(s) go? if you're saying yes...I hope this helps. 

Acceptance of what is is a big step and it's okay to be sad for a little while too. It's okay to cry for what you lost and it's okay to hide from the world for a bit too...but don't linger there.

Review what lessons you've learned, and focus on you. What are your life blessings? What do you want in your life moving forward? What don't you want in your life moving forward? Who can you turn to to help you? What can you do for you? 

"But what about those of us who have reached out, who are on the medications, following the doctor's advice... and it's still not helping? The physical pain grows worse daily, the mental and emotional pain follows suit. There are no stones left to turn..."

The above comment was left for me in response to the entry "The Hidden Dangers of Chronic Pain". (published 1/28/2016) When I read the comment it made me remember...​I remember feeling this way myself..I remembered hurting myself because of it and sadly...I'm sure that we're not the only ones to have been here...so for that reason, I'd like to take the time to respond here and hopefully turn over some stones.

Please keep in mind I am not passing judgement and my questions and comments are meant only to see if we can flip some stones. I don't have all the answers either okay? I do not know your life, nor your pain, nor your personal journey, but I do know mine, and sometimes? we're more alike than we are unalike. 

The thing with medications is? they're not a "cure all" to our pain (even though we may want and need them to be) and although they may help to decrease the level of pain you feel...they probably won't take it away completely, and even though you may be taking the medications as directed, you may still find your pain is higher than you'd like or are able to cope and manage with. You may even need to try many many different kinds of medication(s) before you find the one(s) that work best for you. You may also find that your medications may work for a while and then stops, or you may find that the side effects with the medications make taking them unbearable. There's a lot of "maybe's" when it comes to treating our pain. (which only adds to the frustration right? right!)

For the first few years of my pain I didn't handle it well and I was a hot mess in many ways. But one day, things changed, and a line was drawn and a new me began. 

When you read this....what thoughts went through your mind?
Have you drawn the line yet?
Do you even know where that line is for you? 
Personal questions I know but please do give them some thought. Could these questions save you? 

I will tell you...they saved me. Maybe not these exact questions (I had my own as will you), but they saved me none the less. 

Who are you now? 
What are your dreams? 
What do you love? 
What moves you? 
                                                                                                          What shall you do today?

​Are you ready to draw the line? Are you ready to take back the control from your pain/illness? Ask yourself the questions again and really listen to your own answers. You may need to remind yourself that you're strong enough...and you are! You may need to remind yourself that you can do this...and you can! You may also have to remind yourself that you're worth the effort this will take from you...and you are so worth the effort! But things won't change until you draw that line and you start again. It's okay, it's a little scary I know, but what you have to gain from this is a whole new sense of yourself, who you are, what you want in life, what makes you smile and feel good to be you...you get to learn who you are now (not then...but now!) 

And then I drew a line, and I became more ME than I ever have been...and there's a level of freedom in that.

take good care of you eh? 
Tammy

picture found on-line - original source unknown