Understanding Behaviours

Before we can change our behaviours we must first understand them. Every manner in which we behave serves a purpose. We has humans generally don't do things without reason. If we look long and hard enough, we can learn to understand the whys to how we behave. In one way or another, we are rewarded by our behaviours. Sometimes the “reward” can be a consequence in disguise.

For example:

• We eat because we are hungry. The behaviour in this case is eating. The reason is because we're hungry. The reward is that after eating we feel full.

• We go to work because we get a paycheck. The behaviour in this case is going to work. The reason is because we need money to survive. The reward is that now we can buy food and pay for our needs.

• When we are feeling anxious and lost we begin to hurt ourselves physically. The behaviour in this case is hurting ourselves. The reason is because we are feeling anxious and lost. The reward in this case is the consequence in disguise. Although we get the relief we are seeking from our self abusive behaviours, the consequence is that we are causing harm to ourselves.
  

Each of the examples shows how we can learn to understand each behaviour we have. Some behaviours you will find are easier to understand and dissect than others. This exercise can be challenging because you may not see what you are doing as a behaviour or even as a problem within your life. On the other hand, you may see the behaviour but not the purpose it serves. Understanding ourselves isn't easy, and being honest with ourselves isn't a walk in the park either so.....be gentle!

Please take the time when you are ready and write a list of what you think your “behaviours” are. If you're feeling brave ask someone else to write a list as what they see your behaviours are. It's often interesting to see how our lists differ from those around us or what similarities they may contain.

Please also indicate whether the behaviour is negative or positive. If you can write down what is happening before and during the behaviours please do. Include any information that may help to understand why the behaviour occurred. Please indicate whether the behaviour resulted in a positive or negative consequence or a consequence in disguise.

This exercise cannot be done without the careful introspection of ourselves. When you begin to realize the behaviours you have, the reasons behind them and what consequences or rewards you received as a result, please remember to be kind to yourself. Deciding to change one's behaviour is a personal choice and a path not easily taken, however, it can be an enlightening and rewarding one.

take good care of you