**remember that warning on the about page? about the emotional language and such? ok good! keep it mind ok?**
As you know I'm single and lately I've gone out on a couple of dates meeting new people trying to break out of my isolation and widening my circle of friends. Recently during a dinner date I was asked what I did for a living. I will preface this by saying that in the past, this question is what made me avoid social gatherings with strangers. I was embarrassed that I no longer have a conventional job and I dreaded the question!
So..back to the dinner date...during conversation...my companion asked me what I did for a living. Normally, I would just say that I don't work anymore due to my injury and pain and that I'm "retired". This time however, I chose to acknowledge this website, what I do here daily as well as on the FB page. I spoke of how I'd written a book for people living a pained life just like me, sharing strategies. I shared that my goal was to help others learn to live with their pain too.
His response?..."Is that all? What do you do for money?"
As you know I'm single and lately I've gone out on a couple of dates meeting new people trying to break out of my isolation and widening my circle of friends. Recently during a dinner date I was asked what I did for a living. I will preface this by saying that in the past, this question is what made me avoid social gatherings with strangers. I was embarrassed that I no longer have a conventional job and I dreaded the question!
So..back to the dinner date...during conversation...my companion asked me what I did for a living. Normally, I would just say that I don't work anymore due to my injury and pain and that I'm "retired". This time however, I chose to acknowledge this website, what I do here daily as well as on the FB page. I spoke of how I'd written a book for people living a pained life just like me, sharing strategies. I shared that my goal was to help others learn to live with their pain too.
His response?..."Is that all? What do you do for money?"
Okay give me a second here cause even as I write this my body is humming so I'll try to keep my language clean....but seriously?? What the *&%$?....Is that all? What do I do for money? oh and I should also add that during this conversation the old "you don't look like you're hurting" came up too. To which I sweetly responded "thank you! that means I've learned not to let others see it" (guess you can see dinner conversation wasn't going too well).
So...now that I've wandered off let me get back to dinner...my companion asked me further "if you don't work, then what do you do all day? Don't you get bored?"...(I'm shaking my head here)...NO!! I don't get bored! I may not have a typical Monday to Friday 9-5 job like others but I do have things in my life that keep me sufficiently occupied. I am not a boring person, nor do I get bored.
We talked about children (I have one..he has none)...travel (I haven't traveled far...and he has gone to exotic places) financial goals (to which he told me I must not have any being "retired" and all..REALLY!?!) I was also informed that I must not be into sex considering I live with pain daily. (I just love it when people tell me what I must and must not be into because of my pain HA!!)
After the awkward dinner conversation I was ready to head home (I'm thinking I gave up solitude for this?) but off to the movie we went. There was even some hand holding during the movie (which was kinda nice) but I struggled to get comfortable and kept moving around which was a little distracting for him (I can understand this though..it distracts me too when I have to move around all the time).
My date drove me home after we checked out a new pub he had heard about. The goodbye in the parking lot was awkward but we agreed we'd like to have a second a date. (yeah I'm a glutton for punishment I know but everyone deserves a second chance..first dates are hard!).
Now here comes the RANT....a few days later we were exchanging text messages and he informs me that he's decided he's going to stay single a little while longer. He has financial and personal goals he wants to achieve for himself and he wants to meet a woman who shares his dreams. Simply put he says...you're not good enough for me.
(**here comes the language now**)....but who the hell does he think he is getting off telling me I'm not good enough? To sit in judgement of my life knowing very little of it and not really seeming to care to know either. I started laughing when I read that! (initially at first I laughed...then I cried). It's not like it wasn't something I hadn't heard before though in one form another throughout my whole life (the if only game wanted to play again).
Hearing that knocked me back a bit. I thought "if only I had a job he would be interested in me"..."if only I had a job so I could have a car again" "if only I could...." damn game! drove me nuts and almost destroyed me once before, and now here it was wanting to play with me again all because someone said "you're not good enough for me".
Who decides if we're "good enough"? Who is responsible for our self worth? WE ARE! (not some jerk! that's for sure) We are each responsible for the value we put on our lives. It took me some time to get over this because it's not the first time I've heard it and each time it comes through my head...we go for a little dance together and I have to remind myself again all that I am.
I'm sharing my awkward date with you for a reason...there is a lesson in my rant...YOU and YOU alone are responsible for your self-worth....no one else but YOU. Do not allow someone to tell you you aren't good enough for them. Don't waste time with the "if only game" (its a terrible game with no winner but an emotionally burnt player...it hurts!)
He may have not been able to see the me beyond my pain and all the ways that I am, and that's okay...he wasn't good enough for me!
take good care of you
So...now that I've wandered off let me get back to dinner...my companion asked me further "if you don't work, then what do you do all day? Don't you get bored?"...(I'm shaking my head here)...NO!! I don't get bored! I may not have a typical Monday to Friday 9-5 job like others but I do have things in my life that keep me sufficiently occupied. I am not a boring person, nor do I get bored.
We talked about children (I have one..he has none)...travel (I haven't traveled far...and he has gone to exotic places) financial goals (to which he told me I must not have any being "retired" and all..REALLY!?!) I was also informed that I must not be into sex considering I live with pain daily. (I just love it when people tell me what I must and must not be into because of my pain HA!!)
After the awkward dinner conversation I was ready to head home (I'm thinking I gave up solitude for this?) but off to the movie we went. There was even some hand holding during the movie (which was kinda nice) but I struggled to get comfortable and kept moving around which was a little distracting for him (I can understand this though..it distracts me too when I have to move around all the time).
My date drove me home after we checked out a new pub he had heard about. The goodbye in the parking lot was awkward but we agreed we'd like to have a second a date. (yeah I'm a glutton for punishment I know but everyone deserves a second chance..first dates are hard!).
Now here comes the RANT....a few days later we were exchanging text messages and he informs me that he's decided he's going to stay single a little while longer. He has financial and personal goals he wants to achieve for himself and he wants to meet a woman who shares his dreams. Simply put he says...you're not good enough for me.
(**here comes the language now**)....but who the hell does he think he is getting off telling me I'm not good enough? To sit in judgement of my life knowing very little of it and not really seeming to care to know either. I started laughing when I read that! (initially at first I laughed...then I cried). It's not like it wasn't something I hadn't heard before though in one form another throughout my whole life (the if only game wanted to play again).
Hearing that knocked me back a bit. I thought "if only I had a job he would be interested in me"..."if only I had a job so I could have a car again" "if only I could...." damn game! drove me nuts and almost destroyed me once before, and now here it was wanting to play with me again all because someone said "you're not good enough for me".
Who decides if we're "good enough"? Who is responsible for our self worth? WE ARE! (not some jerk! that's for sure) We are each responsible for the value we put on our lives. It took me some time to get over this because it's not the first time I've heard it and each time it comes through my head...we go for a little dance together and I have to remind myself again all that I am.
I'm sharing my awkward date with you for a reason...there is a lesson in my rant...YOU and YOU alone are responsible for your self-worth....no one else but YOU. Do not allow someone to tell you you aren't good enough for them. Don't waste time with the "if only game" (its a terrible game with no winner but an emotionally burnt player...it hurts!)
He may have not been able to see the me beyond my pain and all the ways that I am, and that's okay...he wasn't good enough for me!
take good care of you
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