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Chronic Pain & Life

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In the darkness...

12/8/2014

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When I first read this it tugged at me a bit. It made me remember the nights I've spent alone with my thoughts...the same thoughts that triggered me to hurt myself over and over. I remembered them and I remembered the darkness too.

But I also remembered when I realized that that me wasn't really me at all. It was the pain. It was all the hurt I'd ever felt. It was all the negative things I'd ever heard. It was every bit of the pain I had ever felt in my life. It was my personal hell...but it wasn't me.

Here in the darkness we think we know who we are...but do we really? Are we just rehashing all the negative things we have heard and have then absorbed into our identities and into the fabric of our life story?

When we're alone in the darkness with our thoughts...are we the most honest with ourselves? NO! we're not. We're trapped in the negativity and we're blind to everything else. Yes things have happened or you wouldn't have a darkness to spend time in...but there is so much more to you and to your life. 

When we're in the darkness we think we know ourselves...but we're only seeing one side of the story of our life...and not the side that makes us feel loved, needed, encouraged, powerful...the side that we really need to see when we're alone in the darkness of our minds. It's a trap and we get caught too easily.

So when you're lost in the darkness...how do you break out of it or do you? Do you make a conscious effort to recognize your thoughts or do you allow them to take you down further? It can be hard sometimes to realize what's going on and why...but we need to. We can't stop this cycle of our thoughts until we learn to recognize them for what they truly are...unhealthy and hurtful thoughts that are preventing us from healing and moving forward.

Once we can recognize these thoughts for what they are, we can start to replace them with things that are healthy and will allow us to heal moving forward. Yes things have happened...and yes some of it has been painful...but focus on your strengths and they will become bigger. When we focus on the negatives, it only becomes bigger too. Change your focus...change your thoughts...move forward.

Each and every time your negative dark thoughts want to take you for a dance...stop...recognize them for what they are...negative...hurtful...and not who and what you are now. Focus on the positive things in your life...the things that make your silly lil heart smile and feel good about being you. It's a choice and we have to make it for us. We are worth fighting for and the hardest battle we will ever fight is for ourselves against ourselves. 

Alone in the darkness with our thoughts it's easy to to hurt ourselves. To cause scars. To battle ourselves and cause pain. This part of the cycle needs to stop. There are better ways to coping than harming ourselves. Whether it's drugs, alcohol, food, sex, cutting, picking what have you....it needs to stop! and it needs to stop now! PLEASE!? there are better ways and you are worth it. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HURT YOURSELF! I would yell it to you if I could.

Challenge what you say to yourself when you're alone in your darkness...not all of it is real.

take good care of you please
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    Tammy...

    is living life with chronic pain...doing the best I can with everyday. 

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