The communication lines of chronic pain

Here is what I think our lines of communication look like at times now that we're living a pained life...(it's meant as a humour thing...the logic is in the read more)

for when you can't seem to think straight and you need to stop and gather your thoughts before continuing....here's your communication line  ------ **   *----**----****    **--*-*---*-----*     ***----------------

for the days when you're patience is gone and your pain has your tongue...here's your communication line F@%$------&$J@$----!)#(&%---****@_$------(^****------@#$&----F&@^%-----S*&$----A*&^-----****------

for the days when you can't communicate because you just can't find the words....here's your communication line

for the days when you're feeling pretty good and you have your smile....here's your communication line 
:)-----:):)------:)------:):)------:)-----:):):)-----:)-----:)-----:)-----:):):)-------:)-------------:):)----------:)-------:):)---------:)----:)--:)

for the days when you're feeling a combination of everything because your pain is unpredictable and its fluctuating....here's your communication line ----F*&^---**               **------:):)---*----S*&#$ :)---*-------F*&%---

for the days when you have open and clear lines of communication with those in your life...here's your communication line -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When living a pained and hurting life, one of the biggest things we can do with those around us is to open the lines of communication...to openly communicate with our families, our friends, our doctors and others we share our lives with....open the lines up and start talking thoughts, feelings, needs and wants...open them up!

That's not always easy when living with chronic pain though is it?. Often our communication skills can go out the window when we're feeling our pain. We don't want to be a burden to those we share our lives with but we need them to understand too. We think no one could possibly understand what we're thinking or feeling. Sometimes I think we worry what others will think if we do start talking. Often I think too, that we just don't know how to put our words together or to even make sense of our feelings so that we can communicate them to anyone.

So how do we open the lines of communication? Give thought to how you communicate with those around you...what words do you use to communicate and how do you use them? The tones of our voices have as much to do with our communication as our words do. When talking do your sentences start with... "I need"..."I want"..."I feel" or do they start with "it's not my"..."it's your"..."you make me so"...how do your sentences start? Give it some thought.

When you are able to start your sentences with "I" statements instead of "You" statements you are owning your thoughts, your feelings, your wants and needs openly and honestly. People are much more willing and able to give help when they know what is needed. 

Here are a few examples of "I" statements....

• "I need some quiet time right now...my patience is low today"
  
• "I feel frustrated when I can't say how I feel for you to understand me"
  
• "I need more help with the chores because I want more time with you to do the fun stuff"
  
• "I need to talk about my feelings but I'm struggling to make sense of them can you sit and talk with me for a little bit? I don't need suggestions, I need an ear to listen"
  
• "I feel hurt when I talk about my pain and I'm told to get over it"
• "I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and it hurts me when others think I'm not"

Here are a few examples of "You" statements....

• "You hurt my feelings when you tell me to get over it"
  
• "You make me so angry sometimes"
  
• "You do nothing around the house yet expect me to have energy to have sex with you?
  
• "You have no clue what this is like for me. You just don't understand"
  
• "You wouldn't say that if you loved me"
• "You caused me to lash out like that...that was your fault not mine"

One of the biggest complaints I've heard from others living a pained life is that people just don't understand...I think that part of the problem too comes from the fact that we just don't know how to communicate effectively at times especially when we're swamped by our pain or cuddled too closely with our negative thoughts.

We own part of the communication problem too and because we can't fix or change anyone but ourselves....I challenge you the next time you think you're being misunderstood...consider how you are communicating with those around you. What does your communication line look like? What "I" statements can you use to express how you're feeling or what you're thinking? 

Open the lines of communication with those around you...they've got your back....but you need to communicate effectively with them. Give your communication skills some thought and see if using your "I" statements will help you to express your feelings more clearly.

take good care of you and each other please

Tammy