To be honest? I like the last feeling the most.
Even though my healing journey hasn't been a straight line...and it has been a wicked ride all over the place...it's been my journey and I've healed going down it and I still continue to heal today.
I will admit too that when I first started my journey I did expect it to be a straight line. I didn't think it would've been like it was and still is at times too. I think too that by expecting it to be easy, I also at times made it harder for myself...trying to control things I couldn't control and trying to change things I couldn't change.
The reality of healing after an illness or injury is that it will be a roller-coaster ride...one day you're up and doing okay...dare I say doing well...and then the next you're down and hurting hard. We can't avoid the ups and downs that come with our pain...and some days our healing will be a side-ways slide.
There will be days too when you go a little further in your journey only to be felled flat on your butt by something else in your life and you're knocked back a bit. And there will be times too when you're on your butt for awhile...it's all a part of the healing journey.
Life doesn't always go as we "expect" it will and neither will our healing journey. Once we can learn to accept that...it allows us to heal in the ways we need...not the ways we expect. But one thing I've also learned during my journey is that when I heal what I need to heal, I also heal in the ways I expect to heal.
Your healing journey will take whatever path it's going to take...you can either fight it with your expectations or you can learn to soothe and care for yourself with your acceptance as you heal at your own pace. We can't rush this and we can't give up either...but we can learn to heal and we can learn to accept ourselves...and our journey too.
take good care of you and I wish you only best as you go through your journey of healing...know that you can do this and you are strong enough