Toxic People

Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful - you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.

~~Danielle Koepke~~


Do you have people in your life that are the "loving toxic" too? Like the quote says...they love us dearly but they're still toxic. It can be easy to remove ourselves from the "uncaring toxic"...but not so easy when the person involved is a loved one. Have you noticed this too? How do you handle it? 

Some might tell you that you have to leave these people...again not easy to do when this person is a family member is it? No, it's not. So if we can't leave the family...how do we handle this? 

So how do we handle the "loving toxic" people in our lives? It's not easy I won't lie to you...and it will take every ounce of strength you have and you may have to bite your own tongue at times too...but I do believe we can learn how to keep these people in our lives if we choose to do so...and ultimately? the choice is yours to make.

here are just a few suggestions to give thought to...

• go to their house instead of having them come to you...this way you can leave when you are ready and don't have to worry about anyone over-staying their welcome
• keep your visits short...you don't have to be on a clock-watch but have an idea of how long you can comfortably stay before your anxiety or feelings of discomfort become too much for you to safely handle
• when asked how you are doing respond positively...remove the ammunition...the "loving toxic" like to "fix" things and tell us what we're doing wrong and offer their advice...if you don't give them something to "fix" they can't "fix" it right?
  
• refocus the conversation...when all the questions are turned to you and how you're managing...ask how everyone else is doing?...how are their kids?...what's new in their corner of the world?
  
• when given unsolicited advice smile :) and let them know that you've heard what they had to say and you will give it consideration...whether you choose to follow any of it is another matter entirely and that is your choice to make...it's your life after all and not theirs to live...you will be the one living with the consequences of your life choices so make sure what you choose to do is what YOU want and not what you think will please others in your life
• calmly and with love let the people in your life know that you appreciate their help and advice but that YOU will make the choices you need for you...that you need to know that they will support you no matter what you choose...even if it's not what they advise for you
• smile :) and know these people in your life love you and they do only want what is best for you and this is how they show it...accept them and realize this is just how they are wired...doesn't mean you have to like this part of them...but it still lets you love all their other parts that you do really like
• when you come home and are feeling emotionally exhausted and worn out...SOOTHE YOURSELF! don't go on a rant about how much of a pain in the ass your family or friends are...that will only keep these feelings going longer...accept they are who they are and that it's not about you...it's them...so soothe yourself...focus on your needs...calm yourself and breathe...you're home now

The "loving toxic" are our parents, our siblings, children, grandchildren, cousins, aunt and uncles too...even our friends whom we love like family...can be lovingly toxic to us too...but we don't always have to remove them from our lives and it's not always possible to do so either.

So the choice is yours...but please don't give up on things that make you happy in your life...it's your life and you deserve to be happy with what's going on in it.

take good care of you eh?